Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Evil of Home Cooked Food

Thats right, my Step Sis just dropped off some Banana Bread and Chili, oh I had at it, I ripped into it like a zombie tears into brain. Within minutes I had half a Loaf Of Banana bread ingested, oh my but the taste, I must eat more, no no, I have to stop god my belly aches.
I cursed and vowed not to touch it again, but like the fool bachelor that I am I left it on the table, right were I would have to walk by it, "oh only another bite" I told myself god its so good, just melting in my mouth, yums, but no more, NO MORE I have to lose weight and yesterdays ride would not be enough.
I put it in the fridge, next to the Chili she packed, that evil Red Headed Temptress also included shredded cheese and Onion, what the hell is wrong with her, can I really make it to lunch?
Thankfully Chad called, and needed some help, I left the house with the Chili in the back of my mind, yes, yes at least a half an hour I am away from the fridge.
A half an hour turned into an hour thankfully, but soon as I walked thru the door there was a wif lingering in the air of that homeade chili in an intentionally poorly sealed container.
My mouth watered, my stomach still bloated with banana bread rumbled it had room and I would give in, opening the door, dumping the contents into a bowl and popping it into the microwave thingy.
I spilled some, it was to be expected, my hands shook as I watched the timer count down on the microwave.
The buzzer beaped and I tore into it like Robert Downy Jr breaking into a bag of coke, I cant stop, my god it needs crackers though, "more calories" the angel on my shoulder said "shut the hell up and eat you look good fat" the devil replied and I gave into the temptation and added crackers and hot sauce, knowing the devil was right and my side profile was that of envy.
Yea, its ok I feel better, my addiction solved for the moment, maybe another small bowl, there is enough for just one more bowl.
God if this continues I will have to go into treatment at the homecooking clinic.
I have to admit though, her cooking has improved dramatically from the days I used to have to scrape the black off the the toasted cheese sandwich. when she was a child :D

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