Monday, July 25, 2011

Losing Mom

I was out riding when I received the call, actually missed the call from her phone, I always try to answer my phone but it of course was buried in my pack, I called back and a woman answered asking if I knew who's number this was then told me what had happened. God your mind races, I told my friends and we bolted, our legs pumped hard, with my mind racing I knew I could not give up I had to get to mom, I muttered prayers to the heavens as our legs burned, the trail was blurred from my tears and never seemed to end, with each hill feeling like the last. I swear I saw her smiling drifting above us, her hand pushing us along, I forced it from my mind and tried to think positive "hang in there I'm on my way" I muttered.
At the parking area I jumped off my bike leaving its wheels spinning on the ground and raced off, the Buicks tires squealed in protest as I screamed down the pass. Calls to emergency personal were to no avail and nobody seemed to know anything. I sped on with flashers going honking the horn for people to move, some of which did, their eyes wide with wonder, others seemed oblivious to the world around them, or maybe felt their own quest to go no where no where was far more important. I kept calling her phone but nobody would answer, then the gas light came on, no no I didnt have time for this, unreal.
I stopped at a small gas station and threw them a handful of money as I frantically pumped just enough fuel to carry on. It would not be much further, I pulled out on the interstate and not a mile later I saw the fire trucks and police cars, their cherries an ominous warning. I pulled up not knowing what to expect but only looking for an answer, I rolled down my window and and told the two firemen who I was, they looked away their eyes telling all. I jammed the car into park and leaped out anyhow, like somehow someone would tell me something their eyes had already betrayed but that I wanted to hear different. A policeman approached and my dry mouth asked if she made it, he looked down and then I truly knew I had not been fast enough, that there was nothing I could have done, I sank to the ground as I whaled in protest to the heavens.
I sit now still waiting for her to walk through the door but I know she will not come, but my mind plays tricks as I see her on the couch laughing to some silly movie with her tears of joy streaming down her face. But its not to be, and the couch sits empty, instead I am greeted by my dads dog who stands staring, ears up, hoping he can understand my words, tail wagging slightly as his eyes stare into my soul. The cat brushes against my leg, giving his comfort as only a feline can.
It all happened so fast, the calls to loved ones, the knock on doors of her aunts to give them the tragic news I sit here spinning still. I think of the past and the future that I no longer will share with her.
Today will be more calls, more tears and papers to sign, her personal belongings to be retrieved and the house readied for guests. I will ride later on as nature is where I go to clear my head, to feel the spirits and to receive their message, Sanity will come then.

1 comment:

  1. Craig

    This breaks my heart to read. You write beautifully. Keep writing and talking about how you feel. It will help you heal. Love Vickie H.