Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Europe adventure, Mass and Sinning in the Vatican

Sometime lucky I am, usually without even knowing it. We were bumming around with two girls from Canada whom I menioned previously in my last blog and a girl from Boston. Looking for sights in Rome after being bitterly disappointed with Venice and the stinky Canals and horrible pizza we were wanting redemption in Rome, and it would come in arguably the best known place in Italy, even though it is its own country, the Vatican. Now of course we were going to see it but we were taking our own sweet time, but the Canadian girls pointed out to us that Today would be Mass, now not being a Christian this did nothing for me but one of them said "hey it is the Pope, you have to see the Pope" true true I had to see if he had the same silly slouched over wave like you see on TV. We would arrive early and tour St Peters Basilica, which was quit amazing, but I could not help getting out of my mind that the place was built and inlaid with gold, at a time when most of Christs Followers were starving to death, but I pushed that aside and enjoyed the coolness, I was also pressed into taking a Number for Mass in the Basilica although the man who gave it to me spoke no English, I assumed it must be important. So we hung out and acted like the usual early twenty travelers, tossed stones at pigeons, oogled at the hot Italian women and waited for our chance. Soon, what seemed like an Eternity for me since I wanted to keep sight seeing that time came way to slow, but alas we were ushered in in front of a line of Devout Christians waiting to be blessed. We would stand at the very front against the railing, I have to admit all the Pomp and Circumstance was very amazing, and I said so "this is fucking cool" I was smacked by a Canadian and Curt stammered "You cannot say that in here" "But dude" I replied "This is fucking awesome you have to admit" another hit to my shoulder, wide eyed looks from those around me waiting for lightening to hit and Curt sure I was "going to hell for swearing in the holiest of places", he was wrong, that would be where Jesus ascended to heaven I was safe. The Cardinal did his thing, I was blessed and of course forgiven for blasphemy which I would continue to do and need more blessings all the while getting disgusted looks from those who obviously felt they were more deserving of Direct blessing, whatever, didn't they hear my mouth? So mass came and went and I uttered a few more choice words that Sailors only understood securing my place in the Netherworld's and we wandered out for the Man himself, the Pope John Paul number I give up, 54? to do his thing. I received lots of "now watch your language this time" from our traveling partners and we waited in abatement for him to appear, and waited, and waited, then a carpet fell from a window, and another, someone pushed me and I told them to go to hell getting another prompt punched from a Canadian girl eager to repent for her nights in Rome I am sure. Finally another carpet or tapestry whatever formal language you prefer came out of a window and 20 more minutes of anticipation later The Pope number 51 appeared, he waved just like on TV, looked just like TV, hunched over, only arm waving, a microphone held to his feeble mouth as he uttered prayers in Latin, the Canadians sighed in releaf as they were forgiven for their previous nights sins and I oogled some more of that fine Italian girls, well, you know. Then it happened, the moment every Italian waited for, the TV crew to come and interview he obvious Americans and Canadians with the Canadian flag sewn on everything to not be mistaken for Americans they were trying to sleep with. The microphone came forth from he eager hot Female reporter as she asked "how did you like the tables"? We looked at each other, tables? "uhm yea I said, the tables were cool" so wanting to do the loony circle with my finger but deciding that would just not look right on Italian TV. She tried again and again and we all kept telling the goofy woman the Tables were cool. Finally the Camera man said "Tablets, how did you like the Tablets" ohh the Ten Commandments we all exclaimed! Yup she had the microphone shoved way to close to our mouth's again and said "can you say them?" Well yea, everyone knows the ten commandments, and there we stood, four of us "though shalt not, uhm, steal" "yea yea that's one" and "uhm though shalt not uhm commit sexual adultery" nothing more but lots of looking at each other came out, the TV crew undoubtedly decided we were typical Canadian sinners and IM sure that is what she was saying into the Camera and we moved on just proud we would pollute Italian homes with the Canadian Flag representing all of our ignorance on this one, what you ask, I am an American, that is true, I am, however the Canadian girls had Canadian Flags on their packs and sewn onto their jeans ;)

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